Infidelity is such a pretty word, so light and delicate. Whereas the act itself is dark and thick with guilt, betrayal, confusion, pain, and (okay) sometimes enormous pleasure.

Dogs are us, only innocent.

Here is Heimel's Law: Anything you fantasize about won't come true. So just cut it out.

A comedian is not funny unless he is taking his demons out for a walk.

[On her dogs:] I have four now. My friends tell me if I get any more they'll have to hold an intervention.

Show me a woman who is prouder of her clean kitchen than of her collection of lingerie and I'll show you a woman with enlarged pores.

Lots of you know me as a lone, hard-bitten columnist, prone to lurking on deserted rocky promontories while searching for my muse.