Men, being conditioned badly, are always feeling nooses closing around their necks, even dumpy boors no girl would take on a bet.

In Manhattan, marriage is a trend. Couples kiss over their arugula and radicchio salads. They fondle each other's genitals while devouring their pasta puttanesca. By the time the tiramisu arrives, they've slid under the table.

A comedian is not funny unless he is taking his demons out for a walk.

Contrary to popular cable TV-induced opinion, aerobics have nothing to do with squeezing our body into hideous shiny Spandex, grinning like a deranged orangutan, and doing cretinous steps to debauched disco music.

[On her dogs:] I have four now. My friends tell me if I get any more they'll have to hold an intervention.

There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth.

The buying of a self-help book is the most desperate of all human acts. It means you've lost your mind completely: You've entrusted your mental health to a self-aggrandizing twit with a psychology degree and a yen for a yacht.