Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people.

Women wearing men's clothes are chic, men wearing women's clothes make us fall on the floor laughing.

Reading is an escape, an education, a delving into the brain of another human being on such an intimate level that every nuance of thought, every snapping of synapse, every slippery desire of the author is laid open before you like, well, a book.

A person who uses party as a verb is a person who will walk into a shop and walk out wearing a rubber jumpsuit.

Enough about you let's hear about me.

Those rosy memories we all share are actually memories from our favorite TV shows. We've confused our own childhoods with episodes of "Ozzie and Harriet," "Father Knows Best," and "The Brady Bunch." In real life, Ozzie had a very visible mistress for years, Bud and Kitten on "Father Knows Best" grew up to become major druggies, and Mom on "The Brady Bunch" dated her fifteen-year-old fictional son.

Swingers are all from the suburbs and consequently brain-addled by car pools, shopping malls, and welcome wagons.