There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth.

Here is Heimel's Law: Anything you fantasize about won't come true. So just cut it out.

Your whole being is involved in taking care of someone else, worrying about what they think of you, how they treat you, how you can make them treat you better. Right now everyone in the world seems to think that they are codependent and that they come from dysfunctional families. They call it codependency. I call it the human condition.

A person who uses party as a verb is a person who will walk into a shop and walk out wearing a rubber jumpsuit.

All men are not slimy warthogs. Some men are silly giraffes, some woebegone puppies, some insecure frogs. But if one is not careful, those slimy warthogs can ruin it for all the others.

In New York we have streets exploding and innocent Buddhist girls being stabbed in the neck and cabdrivers refusing to help her. If we happen into a nightclub by mistake, when we leave the doorman will be lying in the street surrounded by police.

When in doubt, make a fool of yourself.