In New York we have streets exploding and innocent Buddhist girls being stabbed in the neck and cabdrivers refusing to help her. If we happen into a nightclub by mistake, when we leave the doorman will be lying in the street surrounded by police.

We have to have faith in ourselves. I have never met a woman who, deep down in her core, really believes she has great legs. And if she suspects that she might have great legs, then she's convinced that she has a shrill voice and no neck.

Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people.

You can't take away knowledge, and it's dangerous to pretend you never had it.

Here is Heimel's Law: Anything you fantasize about won't come true. So just cut it out.

We all have rosy memories of a simpler, happy time- a time of homemade apple pie and gingham curtains, a time when Mom understood everything and Dad could fix anything. "Let's get those traditional family values back!" we murmur to each other. Meanwhile, in a simultaneous universe, everyone I know, and every celebrity I don't know, is coming out of the closet to talk about how miserable they are because they grew up in dysfunctional families.

There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth.