Show me a woman who is prouder of her clean kitchen than of her collection of lingerie and I'll show you a woman with enlarged pores.

Sex is not some sort of pristine, reverent ritual. You want reverent and pristine, go to church.

Swingers are all from the suburbs and consequently brain-addled by car pools, shopping malls, and welcome wagons.

In Manhattan, marriage is a trend. Couples kiss over their arugula and radicchio salads. They fondle each other's genitals while devouring their pasta puttanesca. By the time the tiramisu arrives, they've slid under the table.

[On her dogs:] I have four now. My friends tell me if I get any more they'll have to hold an intervention.

Homework, root canals, and deadlines are the important things in life, and only when we have these major dramas taken care of can we presume to look at the larger questions.

Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people.