If I have all the tears that are shed on Broadway by guys in love, I will have enough salt water to start an opposition ocean to the Atlantic and Pacific, with enough left over to run the Great Salt Lake out of business. But I wish to say I never shed any of these tears personally, because I am never in love, and furthermore, barring a bad break, I never expect to be in love, for the way I look at it love is strictly the old phedinkus, and I tell the little guy as much.

He who tooteth not his own horn, the same shall not be tooted.

A free-loader is a confirmed guest. He is the man who is always willing to come to dinner.

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

She has a laugh so hearty it knocks the whipped cream off an order of strawberry shortcake on a table fifty feet away.

I'm inspired by love, by the moments that we commit to something with all our heart - be it a person, a project, an animal, anything really. It's undeniably inspiring, that acknowledgment of existence, that I love, that I care. That fills me with purpose.

Life is tough, and it's really tough when you're stupid.