The reason I'm here today, the reason I own a brand new Harley-Davidson motorcycle and the reason I have a big log cabin and I got cars and all kinds of stuff is because I'm a writer and writers own everything. So you learn how to write.

I like really good movies, but I can enjoy a really bad movie, too.

I had a slight touch of Tourette's, which means you talk to yourself and bark and cry out at night.

Folks have to pin me down because, for one thing, I don't have a laptop. I don't have an iPhone, and I refuse to carry them because they're immensely hackable.

Can't get around the old minimum wage, Mortimer.

I believe that if a man dies with a single penny still sitting in the bank, he's a fool.

One minute you're up half a million in soybeans and the next, boom, your kids don't go to college and they've repossessed your Bentley.