There is no strong beer, just weak men

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.

I've made a kind of pact with myself where I said, It doesn't matter what it is as long as I'm acting.

English? Who needs to spend time learning that? I'm never going to England!

Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.

I always enjoyed writing. I did playlets in high school, I did radio shows in college. That's one of the reasons I went down to Second City, because you could do acting and writing.