Criminals should be punished, not fed pastries.

If you know somebody very well, like your grandmother or your baby sister, you will know when they are real and when they are fake.

I’m not a romantic, I’m a half-wit. Only stupid people would think I’m smart. I’m not something anyone should know. I’m a lunatic wandering around for scraps, I’m like every single miserable moron I’ve scorned and pretended I didn’t recognize. I’m all of them, every last ugly thing in a bad last-minute costume. I’m not different, not at all, not different from any other speck of a thing. I’m a blemished blemish, a ruined ruin, a stained wreck so failed I can’t see what I used to be.

One of the world's most tiresome questions is what object one would bring to a desert island,because people always answer "a deck of cards" or "Anna Karenina" when the obvious answer is "a well equipped boat and a crew to sail me off the island and back home where I can play all the card games and read all the Russian novels I want.

I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see.

This is like a cookie, it tastes like a cookie having sex with a doughnut.

What you don't read is often as important as what you do read.