It is one of life's bitterest truths that bedtime so often arrives just when things are really getting interesting.

I had written eight drafts of the Lemony Snicket' screenplay when this changing-of-the-guard thing happened, and I said to the new producers, "I don't think I could write any more drafts." I guess I was sort of hoping they would say, "Well that's okay, this last one is perfect." But instead, they said, "It's funny you should say that. We don't think you can write any more drafts either."

A good thing to do when one is sitting, eating, and resting is to have a conversation.

Announcing your death should be like announcing that you are a lunar moth: It must be done quietly or it will not be believed.

Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course. Piracy, for example, is a tradition that has been carried on for hundreds of years, but that doesn't mean we should all attack ships and steal their gold.

Sometimes words are not enough.

Can't we sleep ten minutes more? I was having a lovely dream about sneezing without covering my mouth, and giving everybody germs.