Taking one’s chances is like taking a bath, because sometimes you end up feeling comfortable and warm, and sometimes there is something terrible lurking around that you cannot see until it is too late and you can do nothing else but scream and cling to a plastic duck.

We are a nation of children letting horrible things happen, and flunking Calc.

If I were to say, "Yes, I am a fascinating, erudite person," what would that say about me? I don't know.

I'm not a stranger," I said, and pointed to his book. "I'm someone who reads the same authors you do.

You might be afraid of the dark, but the dark is not afraid of you. That’s why the dark is always close by.

Count Olaf sounds like an awful person. I hope he is torn apart by wild animals someday. Wouldn't that be satisfying?

One of the world's most popular entertainments is a deck of cards, which contains thirteen each of four suits, highlighted by kings, queens and jacks, who are possibly the queen's younger, more attractive boyfriends.