Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.

Members of your family might say they are working hard all day long, while you are off at school or clarinet lessons, but the only way to know this for sure is to follow them at a discreet distance.

Reader: Dear Mr. Snicket, What is the best way to keep a secret? Lemony Snicket : Tell it to everyone you know, but pretend you are kidding.

I’m not a cuckoo, either. I’m a fool is what.

There is no easy way to train an apprentice. My two tools are example and nagging.

It is often said that reading is a gift, but to my mind that is an insufficient description, for the size of the gift of reading is so vast that it is difficult to see what is outside its wrapping.

Wherever there’s a conductor, you’re sure to find a dead composer!