Miracles can happen, even to those who are small, flammable, and dressed all in black.

-Most people would say that she's beautiful. -That's because she's been with most people.

Tell it to everyone you know, but pretend you're kidding.

It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice-cream sandwiches.

No matter who you are, no matter where you live, and no matter how many people are chasing you, what you don't read is often as important as what you do read.

I was stupid, the official descriptive phrase for happy.

My chauffer once told me that I would feel better in the morning, but when I woke up the two of us were still on a tiny island surrounded by man-eating crocodiles, and, as I'm sure you can understand, I didn't feel any better about it.