You bet I arrived overnight. Over a few hundred nights in the Catskills, in vaudeville, in clubs and on Broadway.

I'm just an entertainer. All I want to be is funny. I never aspired to play Hamlet.

Draw a circle, not a heart, around the one you love because a heart can break but a circle goes on forever.

Housewives spend more money than their husbands make, so that other people think their husbands earn more money than they really do.

I am a wife-made man.

When what's left of you gets around to what's left to be gotten, what's left to be gotten won't be worth getting whatever it is you've got left.

Children are the same the world over. They may have a different culture, but an ache or a laugh is universal.