Does your uncle need anything? A coffee? A latte?” “He needs someone to bear his illegitimate child if you’re interested

I'm a virgin. But this is an old shirt. --T-SHIRT

Where have you been?" I stepped into my apartment and met Uncle Bob's glare with one of my own. "Out trying to pass myself off as a movie producer to get hot guys to sleep with me. Where have you been?

But, you're his son," I said, trying really hard to hate him. "You're the son of Satan. Literally." "And you are the stepdaughter of Denise Davidson." Wow. That was a bit harsh, but, "Okay, point taken.

I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.

Just in case, though, I stormed into my apartment, tossed a quick hello to Mr. Wong, then rummaged through my entertainment center to lay out all my exorcism equipment. I kept it in my entertainment center because exorcisms were nothing if not entertaining.

What did one say to a stalker? Um, pardon me, Mr.Stalker, but could you, like, not?