Oh, I forgot to tell you," Cookie said. "Amber wants your dad to get a teriyaki machine so she can sing for all the lonely barflies." "I'm a good singer, mom." Only a twelve-year-old could make the word mom sound blasphemous. I leaned into Cookie, "Does she know its not called--?" "No," she whispered. "Are you gonna tell her?" "No. It's much funnier this way.

If life hands you lemons,keep them. Because, hey, free lemons.-T-Shirt

In a moment of sheer terror, I realized I couldn't feel my brain. It was there just a minute ago. Maybe I really was dead. "Do I look dead to you?

I may not have any skeletons in my closet, but I do have a little box of souls in my sock drawer. —T-SHIRT

In Cookie's defense, it was raining wildcats and rabid dogs.

Okay, I'll strip. I'll tap dance. I'll sing 'La Cucaracha' in C minor.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - T-SHIRT