Where am I going and why am I in this handbasket? ~Bumper sticker~

I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.

The police never find it as funny as you do.-T-Shirt

In Cookie's defense, it was raining wildcats and rabid dogs.

Then I asked her if she wanted to to the funeral, and my God, the look on her face. You'd think I'd asked her to drown the neighbor's cat." Admittedly, drowning the neighbor's cat didn't really clue me in as much as I would've liked. "So, she was angry?" He blinked back to me and stared. Like a long time.

It isn’t the fall that will kill you, but the sudden stop.

Yeah, but what happens if life hands me pickles? - Bumper sticker