The nicest Father's Day surprise of all for Dad would be if you handed him a box, and he unwrapped it, and there, inside, sitting on a bed of folded tissue, was the pair of his undershorts that somebody threw away six months ago (without asking Dad) because they had reached the stage where they were 3 percent undershorts and 97 percent holes. Dad misses those undershorts. They were his Faithful Undershorts Companion.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care.

One of the issues that we professional newspaper columnists are required by union regulations to voice grave concern about is the federal budget deficit, which we refer to as the "mounting" deficit, because every extra word helps when you have to produce a certain number of gravely concerned newsprint inches.

The older I get and the more fiction I write, the more I outline, the more I think about plot before I dive in and plunge too far.

I, alone, could never have produced this book. I say this mainly in case there are lawsuits.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.