Dogs do not grasp the concept of house cleaning.

Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

You're not allowed to park a truck in your driveway. You're not allowed to work on your house on Sunday. The people who enforce these laws are nuts. After I wrote a column on this, I got I don't know how many letters from Coral Gables homeowners, story after story after story, wonderfully horrible stories. And the venom they felt for their own government!

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

Some [soccer] players suffer four or five fatal injuries per game. That's how tough they are.

A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost totally devoid of reason. Laughter is how we express the anxiety we feel at this knowledge.