What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.

I am not a violent person. I am a product of the Flower Power '60s. I have actually worn bell-bottomed jeans.

...Hell, which as every frequent traveler knows, is in Concourse D of O'Hare Airport.

We are talking about mutated women, the result of cruel genetic experiments performed by fashion designers so lacking in any sense of human decency that they think nothing of putting their initials on your eyeglass lenses. The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. If a normal woman puts on clothing designed for these unfortunate people, she is quite naturally going to look like Revenge of the Pork Person.

Line printer paper is strongest at the perforations.

I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.