Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?

English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.

A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.

All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.

Never trust anything you read in a travel article. Travel articles appear in publications that sell large, expensive advertisements to tourism-related industries, and these industries do not wish to see articles with headlines like: URUGUAY: DON'T BOTHER.

Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard.

With humor you have so many options with topics and length, I mean I can write humor essays in books now and they can be as long as I want them to be.