I am not a violent person. I am a product of the Flower Power '60s. I have actually worn bell-bottomed jeans.

Many, many of you have written to me asking the following question: 'Dave, have their been any new advancements in the field of artificial falcon insemination, and could these developments be used to improve the American electoral process?'

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one.

DNA is an abbreviation for deoxyribonucleicantidisestablishmentarianism, a complex string of syllables.

It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.