I am not a violent person. I am a product of the Flower Power '60s. I have actually worn bell-bottomed jeans.

How do these celebrities stay so impossibly thin? Simple: They have full-time personal trainers, who advise them on nutrition, give them pep talks, and shoot them with tranquilizer darts whenever they try to crawl, on hunger-weakened limbs, toward the packet of rice cakes that constitutes the entire food supply in their 37,000-square-foot mansions. For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest).

I read the whole Jack Reacher series by Lee Child. They don't take long.

I don't know what you can possibly do for less than $50 to have somebody come in your house.

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.

The president, apparently, was so totally unaware of where his foreign policy was that he had to appoint a distinguished commission to help him locate it, and when the commissioners called him in to testify, he told them, essentially, that he couldn't remember what it looked like. Now, if Richard Nixon had claimed something like that you would at least have had the comfort of knowing he was lying. You could trust Nixon that way. But with this president, you have this nagging feeling that he's telling the truth.

I've never been struck by lightning as far as I know, so the Higher Power is treating me as well as even those people who love him very much.