I am not a violent person. I am a product of the Flower Power '60s. I have actually worn bell-bottomed jeans.

Dogs make good pets because they are very loyal

...Hell, which as every frequent traveler knows, is in Concourse D of O'Hare Airport.

This nation is so friendly that the leading cause of injury is getting passionately embraced by strangers.

I took an estimated two thousand years of high school French, and when I finally got to France, I discovered that I didn't know one single phrase that was actually useful in a real-life French situation.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

It's very slow for me to create humor. It takes me a long time to write a humor piece. It takes days.