Please try not to be such a wiener-head.

If Mozart had power tools, there's no telling how great his music might have been.

The Japanese tend to communicate via nuance and euphemism, often leaving important things unsaid; whereas Americans tend to think they're being subtle when they refrain from grabbing the listener by the shirt.

I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.

My point here, young couples, is that baby-having is extremely serious business, and you probably don't have the vaguest idea what you're doing, as is evidenced by the fact that you're reading a very sloppy and poorly researched book.

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.

The beer sold here in the United States is sweet and watery and lacking in taste and overcarbonated and just generally the lamest, wimpiest beer in the entire known world. All the other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer, and we are drinking Barry Manilow.