Dating means doing a lot of fun things you will never do again if you get married. The fun stops with marriage because you're trying to save money for when you split up your property.

I haven't been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty-eight years before that, either.

maybe somebody finally shot the dog.

The Democrats believe that if God did not want them to raise taxes, He would not have created the Internal Revenue Service.

Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.

I am not one to generalize, but cartoonists, as a group, exhibit a level of social sophistication generally associated with pie fights. In high school, when the future lawyers were campaigning for class president, the future cartoonists were painstakingly altering illustrations in their history books so that Robert E. Lee appeared to be performing an illegal act with his horse.

We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just about any wacky thing they tell us, especially if it involves outer space.