The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?

Dating means doing a lot of fun things you will never do again if you get married. The fun stops with marriage because you're trying to save money for when you split up your property.

Nobody understands how hard it is, being a captain.

Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?

I read "Remembrance of Things Past" in the original French. I never start the day without reading me some [Marcel] Proust.