Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.

The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.

Until I became a parent, I thought children just naturally knew how to catch a ball, that catching was an instinctive biological reflex that all children are born with, like knowing how to operate a remote control or getting high fevers in distant airports.

Airline food is not intended for human consumption. It's intended as a form of in-flight entertainment, wherein the object is to guess what it is, starting with broad categories such as "mineral" and "linoleum."

As a professional journalist, I am always looking for new ways to get paid for being motionless.

There are no bad haircuts in cyberspace.

I can't recall a story that played out exactly as I'd expected it to. That's one of the thrills of journalism - being surprised, and learning new stuff, but it also poses the biggest challenge to a writer's character.