Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.

If Mozart had power tools, there's no telling how great his music might have been.

Why else do we have Miami, if not to give me material?

As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful, and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government.

Hardware: This is the part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it.

Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant.

We travel because, no matter how comfortable we are at home, there's a part of us that wants - that needs - to see new vistas, take new tours, obtain new entrees, introduce new bacteria into our intestinal tracts, learn new words for "transfusion," and have all the other travel adventures that make us want to French-kiss our doormats when we finally get home.