When to arrive at the airport?: You should be at the airport already.

The objective is not so much to walk your dog, as it is to empty him.

Eventually everyone has to die, except Elvis.

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

The average tax payer is not a big voluntary supporter of the arts. The only art that the average taxpayer buys voluntarily either has a picture of Bart Simpson on it or little suction cups on its feet so you can stick it onto a car window.

You can use the Internet to find out, from anywhere on the planet: exactly how much coffee is in a certain coffee machine at Cambridge University in England; exactly how many sodas are available in certain vending machines at certain major universities; and much, much more.

One key lesson of history is that virtually anything, including afternoon or evening thundershowers, causes Germany to invade Belgium.