Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton, 'You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers.'

When doctors describe pain as experiencing "discomfort," it's like saying Hiroshima experienced "urban renewal".

UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 tons; there was also a laptop version weighing 27 tons.

Every year, hundreds of thousands of people try their hand at this demanding profession (humor columnist). After a few months, almost all of them have given up and gone back to the ninth grade.

Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

Genes are little items that are found in every living thing except Sen. Alfonse D'Amato.

I'm happy to start on one topic and end on another one entirely, as long as it's funny.