To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.

When you say you don't think we should have public schools, they can't believe you mean that. You must mean that they should be smaller. But you can't really mean no public schools.

Far too often, we fathers avoid the subject because it's so awkward. The subject I am referring to is: buying gifts for women. This is an area where many men do not have a clue. Exhibit A was my father, who was a very thoughtful man, but who once gave my mother, on their anniversary, the following token of his love, his commitment, and-yes-his passion for her: an electric blanket.

I believe many Harley guys spend more time revving their engines than actually driving anywhere; I sometimes wonder why they bother to have wheels on their motorcycles.

It's very slow for me to create humor. It takes me a long time to write a humor piece. It takes days.

The older I get and the more fiction I write, the more I outline, the more I think about plot before I dive in and plunge too far.

The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.