When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.

The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.

Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.

When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.

It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.

We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.