The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.

Alan Zweibel is the funniest writer in the world. He might be even funnier when he's naked, but I'm afraid to find out.

The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat, they're useless. So, for guidance, you want to look to big business. Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes. . . .

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.

The Japanese tend to communicate via nuance and euphemism, often leaving important things unsaid; whereas Americans tend to think they're being subtle when they refrain from grabbing the listener by the shirt.

It may be meaningless, but at least it's a gesture.

I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care.