I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around.

My point here, young couples, is that baby-having is extremely serious business, and you probably don't have the vaguest idea what you're doing, as is evidenced by the fact that you're reading a very sloppy and poorly researched book.

The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.

Why do we shave? It doesn't seem like a natural activity. There are no examples of shaving in nature. The only creature that comes close is the male South Pacific Groping Beetle, which sometimes, just before mating, will slap on a little Aqua Velva. But we think this resulted from atomic testing.

Dogs love to go for rides. A dog will happily get into any vehicle going anywhere.

I think I became funny because I grew up in the Bronx. I was small and weak and Jewish instead of large and fierce and Puerto Rican. You need something.

Nobody understands how hard it is, being a captain.