Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.

I feel that nasal spray is a wondrous medical achievement, because it is supposed to relieve nasal congestion, and by gadfrey, it relieves nasal congestion. What I'm saying is that it actually works, which is something you can say about very few other aspects of the medical establishment.

The reason it's called "Grape Nuts" is that it contains "dextrose," which is also sometimes called "grape sugar," and also because "Grape Nuts" is catchier, in terms of marketing, than "A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel," which is what it tastes like.

I've never been struck by lightning as far as I know, so the Higher Power is treating me as well as even those people who love him very much.

Sometimes you panic and find yourself emitting remarks so profoundly inane that you would be embarrassed to say them to your dog. Your dog would look at you and think to itself, 'I may lick myself in public, but I'd never say anything as stupid as that.'

English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.

I have never had a point in my life to make. I'm just trying to entertain the reader.