Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.

I've never been struck by lightning as far as I know, so the Higher Power is treating me as well as even those people who love him very much.

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.

Today, you're 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!

Cyrus Pembridge, the Never Land’s captain, was widely regarded as the most incompetent man to comman a ship since the formation of water. “Who in the name of common sense would put to sea on that ship with that man in charge?” wondered Mack. “Well,” Alf answered, “we are.” “True,” Mack said.

Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?

If you tell the reader it's funny, then the audience is like an audience at a stand-up comedy club and they expect you to be funny, and if you're not, they notice. Whereas if you read a regular op-ed about Israel or the family or medicine, you're not starting with the assumption that you're supposed to laugh.