If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.

I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes.

Land!” shouted Thomas. “Is there food?” asked Tubby Ted.

The one thing I'm terrified of trying to write about is sex. I mean my God, my wife might read it or my daughter might read it or my son might read it, so no, I've never really written about eroticism at all.

Kids have *_____ never* taken guidance from their parents. If you could travel back in time and observe the original primate family in the original tree, you would see the primate parents yelling at the primate teenager for sitting around and sulking all day instead of hunting for grubs and berries like dad primate. Then you'd see the primate teenager stomp up to his branch and slam the leaves.

If everybody were a guy, the human race could easily get by on less than one twentieth the current number of shoes.

Unlike cats dogs never scratch you when you wash them. They just become very sad and try to figure out what they did wrong.