Note that both of these papers [the New York Post and the New York Daily News] are big sellers in a city whose residents like to go around saying they'd never live anyplace else on account of they'd miss the opera.

Miami, you can never run out of material. As long as you have Miami around you, you will never, never stop being amused.

Sign at a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished?

The doctor looked at my cardiogram and made that "hmmmm" noise that doctors are taught in medical school so they won't come right out and say "UH-oh!"

In foreign countries such as Italy, the government puts strict-looking speed limit signs everywhere, but nobody ever sees them because light does not travel fast enough to catch the Italian drivers.

As the saying goes: "If you're not part of the solution, you're a newspaper columnist."

Each year, millions of skiers come to Colorado to experience its superb emergency medical facilities.