You cannot paint the exterior of your house. You have to take the paint chip down to show the paint-chip Nazis.
Dave BarryIf God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.
Dave BarryI think I became funny because I grew up in the Bronx. I was small and weak and Jewish instead of large and fierce and Puerto Rican. You need something.
Dave BarryYou can be the smartest person in the world - which Bill Clinton is, and if he's not, his wife is - and care more than anybody else in the world - which he does, I don't doubt that for a minute. And you can care so much that you're willing to be dishonest - you can tell people one thing but do another because you really know it's for their own good. And you'll still screw it all up. Because the whole premise of what you're doing is wrong!
Dave Barry