A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Your digestive system is your body's Fun House, whereby food goes on a long, dark, scary ride, taking all kinds of unexpected twists and turns, being attacked by vicious secretions along the way, and not knowing until the last minute whether it will be turned into a useful body part or ejected into the Dark Hole by Mister Sphincter.

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.

The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.

Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?

Famous designers think nothing of putting their names on your clothing, but would have the servants set the dogs on you if you ever tried to put your name on their clothing.

I hope I don't sound like an old-fashioned stick-in-the-mud, but when I hear about people making vast fortunes without doing any productive work or contributing anything to society, my reaction is: “How can I get in on that?