The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.

I do not mean to suggest for a moment that all it takes to be a top executive is a custom-tailored European suit. You also need the correct shirt and tie.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

There's a test they can do to determine a baby's gender ahead of time; I think they insert a tiny photo of Leonardo DiCaprio into the uterus, and if the baby punches it, it's a boy.

Millions of Americans own dogs, because they are good-natured, simple, and easily amused. I am referring here to the Americans. The dogs are not exactly Mensa members either, but they definitely make better pets than tropical fish.

How can you be afraid of women?” “Those ain’t normal women.