I'm afraid that, in this chapter we must talk about sex in a very explicit manner, because we want to expand the Frontiers of Human Understanding and also we want to sell as many books as possible to adolescent boys.

Perhaps you are thinking: 'But a tank costs several million dollars, not including floor mats. I don't have that kind of money.' Don't be silly. You're a consumer, right? You have credit cards, right? Perhaps you are thinking: 'Yes, but how am I going to pay the credit-card company?' Don't be silly. You have a tank, right?

I do some of my best reading while seated in the bathroom.

When you say you don't think we should have public schools, they can't believe you mean that. You must mean that they should be smaller. But you can't really mean no public schools.

I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else.

AARP is a large and powerful organization, similar to the Mafia but more concerned about dietary fiber.

This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes to get a beer.