normal person's weekly chore list: 1. clean kitchen. 2. clean bathroom. 3. clean entire rest of domicile. cleaning impaired person's weekly chore list: 1. don't get peanut butter on sheets.

Another well-known Paris landmark is the Arc de Triomphe, a moving monument to the many brave women and men who have died trying to visit it.

Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.

Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.

In Los Angeles, the jury in the Reginald Denny Beating trial, after much thinking, concludes, that Person A is not necessarily trying to kill Person B just because Person A happens to very deliberately bash Person B's skull in with a brick. The verdict is applauded by scientists at the Tobacco Institute.

There shall be a National Anthem containing incomprehensible words and a high note that normal humans cannot hit without risk of hernia.

For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest).