There's an old saying among scientific guys: "You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs, ideally by dropping a cement truck on them from a crane."

I've never actually given birth to a child, but I suspect that going to a Justin Bieber concert with a child is close.

The other major kind of computer is the "Apple," which I do not recommend, because it is a wuss-o-rama New-Age computer you basically just plug in and use.

Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse.

Denmark (also called Norway) is best known as the original home of the prune Danish as well as the Vikings, who wore hats with horns sticking out of them, and for a very good reason: they were insane.

Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

Greyhound Bus Lines motto: "We Stop For Some Damn Thing Every 200 Yards."