As a professional journalist, I have always been fascinated by people who appear to have even more spare time than I do.

Each year, millions of skiers come to Colorado to experience its superb emergency medical facilities.

Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.

Without computers, the government would be unable to function at the level of effectiveness and efficiency that we have come to expect. . . . Today's government uses computers which are capable of cranking out millions of documents per day without any regard whatsoever for their content, thereby freeing government employees for more important responsibilities, such as not answering their phones.

The voice belonged to Mr. Pzyrbovich, an algebra teacher who was always called Mr. P, for obvious reasons. He has a heavy accent, which a lot of kids said made him hard to understand, although to be fair some of these kids would have never understood algebra anyway.

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.

Your job is to give people a reason to keep reading.