Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.

Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress.

Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers.

If the people in Europe are SOOOOOO smart, how come so many of them can't seem to locate the deodorant, huh?

Orangutan are very weird animals but they look very soulful.

...when the armed robber of unhappiness knocks over the Keebler cookie display of our complacency, and bangs the samurai sword of negativity on the checkout counter of our dreams, we must not be afraid to hurl the fruit cocktail can of hope.

I haven't been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty-eight years before that, either.