Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain.

The Democrats believe that if God did not want them to raise taxes, He would not have created the Internal Revenue Service.

All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, of speaking before a Rotary Club, and of the words "Some Assembly Required".

If you answered, ''Spin the Bottle,'' then I frankly do not want to know any more about your childhood.

I feel that nasal spray is a wondrous medical achievement, because it is supposed to relieve nasal congestion, and by gadfrey, it relieves nasal congestion. What I'm saying is that it actually works, which is something you can say about very few other aspects of the medical establishment.

The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.

You've read newspaper stories about elderly widows who die and leave their entire estates to their pet cats, right? Well, your cat reads those stories too, and has spent most of its skulking, devious little life dreaming about inheriting all your money.