People are afraid to own their own homes. People are afraid their own government will catch them fixing their houses.

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

Note that both of these papers [the New York Post and the New York Daily News] are big sellers in a city whose residents like to go around saying they'd never live anyplace else on account of they'd miss the opera.

Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.

I liked making people laugh, and I decided I was an atheist early on. My Dad was all right with that. We argued about it all the time, but it was good-natured. He was the most open-minded human being I've ever known.

For 41 years I have gone with a very natural hair "look" that was originally popularized by coconuts.

As the saying goes: "If you're not part of the solution, you're a newspaper columnist."