If the people in Europe are SOOOOOO smart, how come so many of them can't seem to locate the deodorant, huh?

Most American homes have alternating current, which means that the electricty goes in one direction for a while, then goes in the other direction. This prevents harmful electron buildup in the wires.

No man had ever knocked little Richard down. But of course Ammm was not a man.

I was a young person once, shortly after the polar ice caps retreated, and I distinctly recall believing that virtually all adults were clueless goobers.

As a professional journalist, I am always looking for new ways to get paid for being motionless.

A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.

At the height of rush hour, people on the London underground actually say "excuse me." Imagine what would happen if you tried an insane stunt like that on the New York City subway. The other passengers would take it as a sign of weakness, and there'd be a fight over who got to keep your ears as a trophy.