If the people in Europe are SOOOOOO smart, how come so many of them can't seem to locate the deodorant, huh?

Your job is to give people a reason to keep reading.

DNA is an abbreviation for deoxyribonucleicantidisestablishmentarianism, a complex string of syllables.

England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.

You cannot paint the exterior of your house. You have to take the paint chip down to show the paint-chip Nazis.

Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.