Today, you're 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!

Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask whether your country has been inhaling paint-thinner fumes.

Washington is nicknamed "The Evergreen State" because it sounds better than "The Incessant Nagging Drizzle State."

Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart.

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.

Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.

Sign outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.