You know how on the evening news they always tell you that the stock market is up in active trading, or off in moderate trading, or trading in mixed activity, or whatever. Well, who gives a

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

And that's the wonderful thing about family travel: it provides you with experiences that will remain locked forever in the scar tissue of your mind.

Sign at a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.

Computers operate on simple principles that can be easily understood by anybody with some common sense, a little imagination, and an IQ of 750.

Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask whether your country has been inhaling paint-thinner fumes.

Denmark (also called Norway) is best known as the original home of the prune Danish as well as the Vikings, who wore hats with horns sticking out of them, and for a very good reason: they were insane.