You know how on the evening news they always tell you that the stock market is up in active trading, or off in moderate trading, or trading in mixed activity, or whatever. Well, who gives a

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The planes are crowded and noisy and late, and everybody hates everybody. If armed terrorists had tried to hijack any of the flights I've been on lately, we passengers would have swiftly beaten them to death with those hard rolls you get with your in-flight meals.

Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

When Prince Charles speaks, everybody pretends to be fascinated, even though he has never said anything interesting except in that intercepted telephone conversation wherein he expressed the desire to be a feminine hygeine product.

And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We should call editorials what they are: columns written by committees.