'I'm sorry,' guys are always telling women, 'but I'm just not ready to make a commitment.' Guys are in a permanent state of nonreadiness. If guys were turkey breasts, you could put them in a 350-degree oven on July Fourth, and they still wouldn't be done in time for Thanksgiving.

The older I get and the more fiction I write, the more I outline, the more I think about plot before I dive in and plunge too far.

Never allow a child to spend all of his allowance. Insist that he set aside a certain amount of money every week and put it in a safe place, where you can get it if you need to buy beer.

If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.

Reading... a vacation for the mind.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

Orangutan are very weird animals but they look very soulful.